I have attempted to enter the blog world a couple times. Honestly when I envision speaking into this saturated space I imagine my voice echoing and then never making it back to me. Trying to find my voice in cyber space has been quite overwhelming, I will admit. It’s hard to be authentic and not become some cyber talking robot. You see, I had a blog that went fairly well until I had followers. I might not have been a regular blogger, but hey it didn’t matter. I was talking into the cyber space abyss. But funny how suddenly when I knew people were listening my voice fell silent. Suddenly I was seized by fear of judgement of others or that what I had to say would not mean anything to anyone. What if I wasn’t interesting or exciting or just plain bored people? I feared criticism. So my keys fell silent and I resorted to reading blogs instead.
But I could not deny that urge in me to write. Even if it was to no one, or someone. Regardless of the fear that gurgled inside of my being, I could not squelch the passion within. Fear held me captive for well over six months. I am not proud of those six months. Mainly because I let fear of judgement and people pleasing silence my voice. But that journey God had me walk down was necessary to recognize my fear of failure, even failing people I did not know. He refined me and as He did I finally recognized how much I idolized peoples approval of me and what I do, both for people that I know and don’t know.
So here I am again. Different address, same voice with a clean slate. I know more about who I am. So this time I am laying that insecurity to rest and choosing to be clothed in confidence of Christ. I will write for Him and Him alone and maybe just maybe it will mean something to someone somewhere. Maybe not. But regardless let His words flow through me. This blog will more that likely be a place where I process everyday life as a growing God’s girl. The rest will be up to Him. And if there are people that stumble upon these whisperings I am sending into a loud blogshpere, don’t be afraid to join me on this journey. A girl needs a friend or two along the way to question, challenge and just be there. And if you are just reading, I have been there too 🙂