So at the beginning of the year I confessed that I was in a season of singleness, and then I avoided it until, well now. Some of you might cringe with me because of the ridiculous stereotype that comes with being single. For some crazy reason single has the stigma of being less than being in a relationship. Perhaps that is the reason for my silence. Or maybe it is because I had to come to grips with it myself. Okay, really it is both.
Maybe you can relate with the feeling that all your friends are getting married this year (okay, okay not all of them). The rest of them are already married and have a baby or are trying to have a baby. You meet with people over a steaming cup of coffee and you are enjoying yourself and the conversation until suddenly the topic switches to your love life. You stare at them blankly because it doesn’t exist right now, out of choice I might add. They then begin telling you about their cousin’s friend’s friend’s brother who is just so great and loves Jesus. Oh yes, that is me. Anyone relate?
I love my friends, I might add. I know they really just want to see me with a guy who is running with the Lord the race marked out for him. But right now I know in my heart I am meant to run this segment of the journey alone. Without a man.
You see I am a recovered serial dater. I once was that girl that needed a man for an identity and looked for it in all the wrong types of guys. I imagine friends prayed for and worried about me because the guys I picked were not at all right. Somewhere along the way I would believe that they were “perfect” for me or believe that it was as good as it was going to get and settle into the dysfunction. I would adapt myself to fit their life, change the things I liked and disliked to make them happy and hopefully “find myself”. Perhaps you have a friend that is like I was. You know, that girl that jumps from guy to guy like a spider monkey because of that emptiness that is just aching to be filled.
Those poor men that journeyed that segment of life with me naturally became exhausted because I looked to them for who I was. Or I somehow figured out that the situation really was bad and there had to be something better. So I would move on and find a better version of really the same type of guy.
One day I found myself dumped by a man I thought was “the one” and cried at the feet of Jesus. My broken heart ached and I despaired at the bottom of the pit of self loathing and lost identity. Christ met me there. I remember thinking how I felt like I had lost myself and then it dawned on me, I don’t even know who I am. Thankfully God has brought me a long way from this place and proceeded to pour into my identity. Believe me, if it can happen for me it can happen for you too. He is our Redeemer. I still have had a couple more dating blunders along the way and a while ago found myself single again.
I am doing it different this time. This time I am waiting on the Lord. I am believing in His timing and His plan. Dating has been a cycle of brokenness and control. I would crawl around head down groping for the nearest man to claim me and call life into me. I put the man on a pedestal and believed that he was all I needed to become whole. I clung to this lie that I have to make it happen and take matters into my own hands because God wasn’t moving in this area of my life. In my impatience I would settle and search for something that is far less than what my Father wants for me. For now:
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13-14
You see I finally get that no man, no human affirmation can call forth identity into me. My identity is in Christ alone and I will stand upon that truth. Knowing who I am in Christ has helped me stand up and not let others dictate who I am or will become. Through sleepless nights and countless tears I know now that the only thing I need is Jesus and one day, in His timing, if He brings me a husband it will be a bonus. I believe in God’s perfect timing the right man will walk into my life and a divine romance will unfold unlike anything this girl can understand.
But on top of that I am already married to the Prince of Peace and His love for me is perfect, never fails and never runs out.
“For your Maker is your husband- The Lord Almighty is his name- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth” Isaiah 54:5