In the past year or so God has really blessed me with some tangible examples of men who seek Him. Some of these men I know well, others are just fellow bloggers, but it is clear that they have a vibrant relationship with the Lord. I think this is important for a single girl to acknowledge because at times it is easy to get caught up in the negative cycle that good Godly men do not exist. We become cynics and skeptics and wallow in a pool of pessimism. In frustration and at times jealousy, we sit around and bash the opposite sex and their shortcomings. I am guilty of this. These bash sessions also can come out of the broken places of my heart from the wreckage of broken, dysfunctional relationships. They come from the lies that the enemy has placed in my heart that it is worth settling for something less than what God has for me. I praise God for giving me a renewed perspective on the male species through the windows of these brothers in Christ who seek Him whole heartedly.
You see ladies, when we sit around and harp on the men we begin to build up false perception of them. We fail to see them as children of the Lord Most High and diminish His workmanship. Our brothers in Christ really are just as broken as we are and it is unfair to expect perfection. I realize that every time I look at a brother and judge him and his brokenness, I am denying my brokenness and need for Jesus. Other times when I look to a man to be perfect, I am failing to recognize that he cannot and will not be my savior. No man can be Jesus. We all are in the sanctification process, if we were perfect then we wouldn’t need Him.
Now I do believe that it is important to be able to discern whether or not the man we are interested in or dating has a strong relationship with God. While our men won’t be perfect, it is important that we don’t excuse abusive behavior or lack of intimacy with God. If there is not fruit of that in their life, most likely they are not ready for an sustained dating relationship. Same goes for us. We cannot be looking to the men to fix our brokenness. The only Healer and Savior is God. Not to mention take it from a girl who has dated a “project boyfriend” more than once, you cannot change him. We do not have that type of power or authority in any man’s life. God is the only one that can do a work in someone.
As a girl who has dated guys that have lacked in a strong relationship with God, I know that it has been encouraging to see these men of God and the fruit of their life. In fact, some of my friends are married to them. Rather then get jealous and doubt whether or not I “deserve” something like this, I look to these men of God as examples to spur me on to wait for the man God has for me. Watching these men interact with the women in their lives, may it be their wife, mother, sister or just friends, it reminds me not to settle for someone who really does not seek the Lord. Other times it reminds me of the importance to wait for a man who really will lead the relationship through discernment from our King. These men remind me that:
-Godly men do exist and are seeking the Lord with all their heart, mind and strength.
-There are men that will pursue women when led by Him.
-There are men who understand redemption and know who Christ is.
-There are men who do not view women as objects for sexual gratification and desire to honor them.
-There are men that are leaders and are seeking to understand how to grow in leadership to prepare for all that God has for them, including marriage.
-There are men who live set apart lives for Him and seek first the Kingdom of God.
Ladies, it is important that we do not give up hope. That we trust God to bring a man into our lives that loves Him and spurs us on. These guys are out there. If you don’t believe me, ask God to open your eyes to men who really do love Him. Often they are right under our noses, or we have been looking in all of the wrong places. Right now one of my favorite websites Good Women Project is doing a series called Open Letter’s from Men to Women. This is one of those places that gives me a window into men’s hearts.
Just like we are being refined, grown and pruned by our King, so are they. It is important to love each other as Christ first loved us and show grace and not condemnation. Just because we may have had a bad experience, or two or three does not mean that all men are bad. So let us allow God to restore our faith in the opposite sex and spur them on towards Him by not lowering our standards because we don’t believe they exist.